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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22960414">she is the universe</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catsarecutebutaliens/pseuds/Catsarecutebutaliens'>Catsarecutebutaliens</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Baggage, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forehead Kisses, Hints at angst if you squint really hard, Hugging, Memory Alteration, Soft kissing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, but only for the last chapter, this is really just cute shit, which you can easily ignore</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 12:48:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,944</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22960414</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catsarecutebutaliens/pseuds/Catsarecutebutaliens</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Traveling with her was the most amazing thing in the universe, but coming home to her and into the TARDIS after a long day came pretty damn close.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>74</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ingerick/gifts">Ingerick</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>To counter all the angst the season has been giving us, I decided to actually write some fluff for once. There is absolutely no angst in here (unless you squint really really hard because I cannot not write it :P) and is just them being happy. Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yaz was tired.</p>
<p>The sun had long gone and hidden behind the horizon, painting Sheffield golden for a few ethereal moments before the city slowly drowned in darkness. An abundance of artificial lights tried to keep out the cold but failed, and instead covered up the stars Yaz liked to look up to on her way home. She could still make out whisps of orange and red along the sky, but they would be covered by the same dark blue as the rest of it. </p>
<p>She had left the station late, later than usual, to make up for the time she had missed while traveling. There was a sense of normalcy back in her life now, but it lacked the boredom that had been weighing her down before the Doctor came into her life. Somehow, she had felt out of place no matter where she went, coping with life just so, and trying to find the good, the bright, everyone else seemed to find so easily. With the Doctor in her life, the light was burning inside of her so intensely it sometimes threatened to burn her and everything around her.</p>
<p>The air was cooling down, but she could still taste the warmth of the day in it. Spring was inching closer every day, and Yaz was glad she could feel the passing of the seasons gradually instead of jumping from week to week, always on the run.</p>
<p>Traveling with her was the most amazing thing in the universe, but coming home to her and into the TARDIS after a long day came pretty damn close.</p>
<p>With her bag slung over her shoulder, Yaz continued her way down the street and couldn't keep a smile from blossoming on her face when she saw the blue box in the same place she left it in the morning.</p>
<p>She dug one hand into her pocket, grasping for the key, but the door swung open in front of her as soon as she pressed her palm against it. A warm welcome hummed through her mind and the lights flickered in greeting when she closed the door behind her.</p>
<p>Surprisingly, the console room was empty and no bubbly alien flung herself at Yaz, exclaiming how much she had missed her. Rounding the crystals, Yaz set down her bag next to an abandoned coat and breathed in the familiar, tingling smell before making her way further into the TARDIS. </p>
<p>Lights jumped to life as she passed them, and the TARDIS gently nudged her towards the right, ever-changing doors. Her footsteps echoed on the floor and she let her fingertips graze the walls, trying to let her mind find the Doctor on its own. Every muscle in her body was aching and she wanted nothing more than a hot cup of tea and a soft body to sink into.</p>
<p>It didn't take her long to find the slightly ajar door to their room through which she could hear the low sounds of music. Yaz pushed it open and the smile on her face grew even more when she saw the doctor dozing on their bed in one of her sweaters, Rose curled up in a heap of golden fell on her chest. She didn't recognize the song coming from corners of the room, but it still sounded familiar in some way.</p>
<p>Slowly and quietly, as to not stir up her girlfriend, Yaz took off her jacket and shoes and padded across the carpet to her closet to change into a pair of sweatpants and take off her bra, sighing with relief when the pressure on her chest disappeared. </p>
<p>The Doctor was still half-unconscious when Yaz finally sank next to her and pressed a kiss to her temple, effectively waking her up. Her eyelids fluttered and a yawn escaped her mouth while she stretched up her arms and tensed every muscle from head to toe, before sprawling back into the pillows, pulling Yaz down with her.</p>
<p>"You're back," was the first thing she mumbled, before leaning in to kiss her properly, lips lazily pressing against Yaz's. Rose was undisturbed by all of this, though the cat did start purring loud enough to chase the last traces of sleepiness from the Doctor's mind.</p>
<p>"What time is it? I've missed you for at least eight hours and almost jumped to, well, now." She looked unbelievably cute with her small pout and big, innocent eyes, and Yaz only sighed and kissed her again, smile still in place, before comfortably settling against the Doctor's side with her head pressed into the crook of her neck. </p>
<p>The Doctor smelled like cinnamon and the light of the TARDIS, and her skin felt like silk beneath her calmly traveling fingers, which were drawing circles against the side of her chest. Yeah, she was definitely home.</p>
<p>"It's almost nine, I think, got cau-" she was interrupted by a long yawn as the exhaustion sank into her bones. The dim lights were not helping her drowsiness, but she knew, even if she fell asleep, the Doctor would keep her company without closing her own eyes again. Timelords didn't sleep much, a fact she had learned during the last months of living together, which had proved itself to be quite useful on occasion, but the Doctor tended to stretch her limits more often than not. Getting her to sleep was a struggle, and after the nap Yaz has awoken her from, she would probably not sleep again this night.</p>
<p>"Got caught up, sorry," Yaz eventually finished her sentence a few moments later and gave in to the urge to close her eyes, snuggling even closer against her girlfriend. The Doctor hummed nonchalantly and kissed her forehead, before pressing her cheek against the top of her head.</p>
<p>Yaz knew she would soon fall asleep like this: limbs entangled with hers, a warm ball of fur close to her chest and soft melodies dancing around the room. Her perfect piece of heaven.</p>
<p>In the back of her mind, she remembered that she had to get up early tomorrow, but she quickly pushed any worrying thoughts away. The Doctor and she were together and safe, and that was all that mattered.</p>
<p>After all, she had quite literally all the time in the universe.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm sorry, but I could not resist the angst. I promise, I tried, but my brain wouldn't let them be happy. Nothing too bad tho, and enough fluff thrown in to soften the blow. Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was strange, laying in the dark beside a person she loved after all this time. There have been few people before Yaz and even fewer before Rose, </span>
  <em>
    <span>her </span>
  </em>
  <span>Rose, that had taken her breath away like this.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her fingers combed through the silk hair spread across the pillow, softly and slowly as if to savor the moment, as if their time together was running out. She studied every patch of skin, every wrinkle around her eyes, every curve of her cheekbones, trying to memorize all of it, of her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Their timelines had been shifting for a while now, and with every new choice, they entangled more and more until they seemed indistinguishable to her. It was the thing that scared her most, losing her and not seeing it coming, not being able to know that their last moment together would be their last.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It had broken her, all those years ago with Rose, and she knew it was going to destroy her when it happened to Yaz.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So she had decided to stop running, at least for a while, to stay with Yaz and to give her a chance at a normal life the Doctor could never dream of having. But when her friend, her partner, her </span>
  <em>
    <span>girlfriend</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>, </span>
  </em>
  <span>had brought the small, roughed up street-cat that was currently curled up on top her chest back to the TARDIS, the Doctor had known that this time around may be different.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Since then, time has been passing slowly enough to enjoy it together. In the first weeks, it had been hard to get used to. She had been close to dying of boredom during the hours Yaz spent at work, but by now she had her own jobs to do - reading, tinkering with the TARDIS or going out for just a quick trip into space or onto a planet if she started feeling too restless to think.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Next to her, Yaz sighed and turned slightly in her sleep, one arm falling across the Doctor's stomach, who stilled for a moment, afraid of having woken her up. Her breath hitched shortly but went back to normal, and when the Doctor couldn't sense a change in her mental activity, she relaxed her muscles again and continued stroking her hair.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There was a book on the nightstand next to her, but right now she was content just existing and thinking. She had dipped into Yaz's dreams exactly once, but only because she had sensed a nightmare coming on. Human minds were open to her, soft and easy to manipulate and form to her will, but she respected Yaz enough not to do so without her consent or a good enough reason. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The Doctor had considered erasing herself from her companion's minds often enough, and now and then, in the middle of the night with the sleeping, aging, withering human pressed against her, it was tempting to spare them and herself the pain of what was still to come.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her fingertips subconsciously strew from Yaz's hair, wandering to her temples for just a second before the Doctor caught herself and pressed them lightly into her shoulder to draw her even closer.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>No, not yet, maybe not ever, but not now. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Instead, she pressed a kiss to where her fingers had lingered moments before and concentrated on the warmth radiating from her body. Rose lifted her head at the slight waves of distress rolling off the timelord, quietly meowing and only stopping once the Doctor started petting her with her free hand. The cat pressed her head into it and started purring, laying down her head back onto her front paws.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I know, love, I know. You won't leave me, will you? Good, immortal kitty," she whispered, awkwardly shuffling upwards enough to press a kiss to the cat's forehead as well. At least one good thing had come out of this.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The rest of the night was spent like this, though the Doctor did pick up the book about halfway through when the evidence of Yaz aging was becoming too present in her mind. In the almost five months they had stayed on earth, her face had changed enough for it to be visible to the timelord, albeit she desperately tried to ignore it. Agatha Christie was always good enough to distract her with both her stories and the memories connected to them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After about eight hours, with the sun rising slowly above the TARDIS, the humming of unused energy in her legs was becoming too pressing to ignore, and it was with great regret that the Doctor picked up a sleeping Rose and untangled herself from Yaz, before quietly scooting off the bed and into the hallway, cat pressed to her chest. It was a Thursday, so Graham and Ryan would come by this afternoon for tea, if not for a little adventure, but until then, she had nothing to do but finish her projects from yesterday.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was becoming rather dull, knowing exactly how her day was going to look like, but she was indulging in it for Yasmin's sake - for now.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She wandered around her ship, stopping in the kitchen to pick up a cup of tea, before reaching the console room. With specks of dust dancing through the early morning light and no sound but the quiet buzzing and humming of the TARDIS, it was itching her to pull down the lever and fly off to a different planet to spend the morning, maybe just a nebula or the birth of a star - something to still the curiosity ever-blooming inside of her mind.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I can see your mind working a mile a minute and it's not even seven," came suddenly a familiar voice from the stairs. The Doctor did not turn around, she didn't have to to know who was talking, so Yaz came closer and wound an arm around the Doctor's waist while resting her head on her shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Just a bit bored, that's all."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Not a convincing tone or lie, but Yaz didn't push it. She never did these days, no matter what the Doctor said or did, not even when she had been over two hours late for dinner with a singed coat and a carelessly healed cut on her cheek. What a day that had been, one of the most interesting ones during that month.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It pained her to lie to her, but she couldn't stop. She wanted this, wanted Yaz and everything she had to give, but there were some things she could not change about herself. The Doctor was still running, had been running her whole life from Daleks and Cybermen, from old friends and enemies and those who were both, from memories and history and, most importantly, from herself.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>All of this was going to catch up with her someday, and she was not going to wait for it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>For now, though, with the taste of hot tea on her tongue and the prospect of a quiet morning in front of her, she let Yaz pull her down into a kiss and turned her back on the lever. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Whoopsie. This chapter was never intended to happen, but I couldn't stop thinking about this. Even though this story started out as fluff, the ending is - definitely NOT fluff. Still, I hope you enjoy this little ride until the end. Comments always mean the world.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Weeks passed as they always did. Slow and steady, day after day and hour after hour, and the Doctor stood still.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There was a constant buzzing beneath her skin now, like regeneration energy flooding her body and repairing and changing too fast for her to keep up. She was moving constantly, tapping and fidgeting and swaying to try and keep the energy in check, to stay on earth, with </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span>, just a little bit longer. The Doctor was stretching out whatever time she had left, out of guilt, maybe, or the small sparks of love and adoration she felt for the human in moments of sweet nothingness.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sometimes, when she wasn't careful and Yaz was too tired or too ecstatic, her feelings bled out from her mind, dripping into the Doctor's, poisoning her thoughts and drowning her in a love she did not ask for and never wanted to keep. They grew into a river, washing away any thoughts she might have had and she </span>
  <em>
    <span>hated</span>
  </em>
  <span> it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Humans always loved so completely, so utterly recklessly it was no wonder they died for it. The Doctor knew that, and she adored them for it, adored their ability to ignore the bad pushing at their minds and the horror in the world around them, but she also pitied them for their inability to realize what they were doing, all the things they were giving up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There was so much </span>
  <em>
    <span>more</span>
  </em>
  <span>than their simple, naive love.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Before she regenerated into this body, an overwhelming sadness had been the thing keeping her afloat. It had diffused into every pore, infected every thought until she looked up at the universe and all she felt was tired. Still, she had decided to live one more lifetime, to give herself a chance at finding her light again, and now, there was something else burning up her soul and urging her to move, to run, to flee from what was about to come.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rage.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mountains and mountains of rage building and collapsing inside her, burning her alive. It was the buzzing beneath her skin and the rush in her ears, the energy in her body that was begging to be used and released.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She held it tight, kept it hidden and instead gave into the soft touch of Yaz's hands in the evening and leaned into the curve of her body at night. Kisses and intimacy, acclamations of love and displays of affection - all of those elements were more familiar to her than she let Yaz know, but it still did nothing to clear her mind.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The noise of energy never stopped.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Distantly, the sound of four knocks, of two hearts, brushed the periphery of her mind, but she chased it away. There was no space for thoughts about </span>
  <em>
    <span>them</span>
  </em>
  <span>, not now, not like this. Her fury kept her alive, but it also drove her closer and closer to an edge she would not be able to recover from.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So when Yaz came home one evening, still smiling, still happy, the Doctor welcomed her home with open arms, pulling her in for one last kiss.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Large, brown, human eyes were looking up at her in trust, and the Doctor gently cupped her face like she had done so many times before. Yaz's body perfectly fit against hers, every inch complimenting her, every movement a thrill. She would miss this, the Doctor realized just as her fingertips brushed against soft temples, to be constantly admired, no matter what she did. It almost extinguished the anger fuming at the far corners of her mind.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Sleep well, Yasmin Khan," were the last words to leave her lips, before the now lifeless body sagged against her, devoid of any memory the Doctor had ever been a part of. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"We had a fantastic life."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When she finally left earth behind, the energy rising for one last time, and stars awaiting her with open arms, her anger settled comfortably against her hearts. It didn't calm or disappear, but it was familiar now, a companion, almost. Constantly eating away at her mind, never slowing, never stopping, ever-present. Her fury kept her alive, and one day, it would consume her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The Doctor's fingers tapped against the console as she danced around, finally free.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Tap, tap, tap, tap.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Four knocks.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She could hear them now.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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